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Holding my breath ...

Posted by annierose on June 26, 2006, at 18:59:54

That's what it feels like when my T goes on vacation. I told her that today. She reassured me in her usual ways, and I nodded accordingly. But it still sucks.

Besides the usual, she did say this, "Every couple days you know you'll see me (normally), you rely on this. Now I'll be away. You'll be alone with all these feelings we are working on, and that feels familiar to you, being alone. Having no one to share your inner thoughts."

And I think she is right. That's the part that is so hurtful. I told her this feeling is not duplicated elsewhere in my life. My daughter is going away for 2 weeks and I don't feel this inner panic. When my husband goes away on business, I'm fine. And then I realized another difference, ACCESS. When I'm away, or my husband, I can call (and do) and talk to him everyday just to make sure he is still there.

It's complicated. A grown mature adult woman feeling a bit adrift when her T goes on vacation.

I told her that it seems like a waste of each other's time today and tomorrow's sesion. I'm just holding my breath until I say "good-bye". Holding my breath with a lump in my throat and already anticipating the longer break in August.




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