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Re: I'm embarassed to post Tamar

Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2006, at 8:04:43

In reply to Re: I'm embarassed to post Dinah, posted by Tamar on June 20, 2006, at 2:46:37

It's hard to give myself a break over this.

It's been an integral part of my life experience that when I exhibit those qualities, even those I'm closest to recoil. My parents couldn't tolerate that part of me, my husband can't. The other therapists pretty much wanted to eradicate it, or treat it like a naughty child. It's hard for me to believe anyone can tolerate or accept it - my therapist included. I guess I always figure he's just trained to accept it. But of course it's more than that. He's an inordinately accepting man.

I like it when it's directed towards me, but I get annoyed when he's so accepting towards himself. lol. Isn't that the case with intense strengths and intense weaknesses? They're nearly always flip sides of each other.

I guess... I suppose that's the reason for the forever therapy as well. I don't go to therapy to learn something and go out into life. I go to therapy for that part of me to have a place to *be*. And finding another place for it to be just isn't as easy as it sounds.

It's not that I don't think I should leave. I really think I should. I think that somewhere in the past nine months, something has eroded and can't be restored.

But finding another therapist who has this essential quality is not soemthing I have much hope of doing. I think it might be easier if my therapist helped me find someone new, but clearly that can't happen in this scenario. And even that can't be easy. They don't believe me when I tell them what I need in therapy. I'm not sure they'd believe him either.

Of course there are those who would say it's not a need, but a want.

 

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