Posted by annierose on June 19, 2006, at 15:48:07
I don't know how to label this feeling besides angst, hostility or irritability --- and I don't know quite where it's coming from but I hate it and want to squash it out.
I mentioned to my T last Friday, that I've been running into the client that comes after me (on Fridays) in her vestibule. It's pretty hard, IMO, for the next client to time her arrival perfectly just as I'm leaving and she is arriving. It must be intentional. Normally, you'd walk into her office from a hallway, come into the vestibule (small area) and open the door immediately to your right for the waiting room. There's a door straight ahead as well, my T's office. SO ... I mention meeting this client twice within 3 weeks and I mention wanting to say something to her, something childish like, "T is in a bad mood today, told me she doesn't want to see you today," or "She told me I'm her favorite," or "What a coincidence, we meet here yet again" ... something to discourage her. We talked about it some and then time ran out and guess what, SHE WAS THERE AGAIN!!! So now I'm annoyed. Why is this client hanging out in the vestibule and not going into the waiting room.
I saw my T this morning and tell her that I saw "my new friend again, and I think we're going to meet for coffee next Friday". My T said, "You feel pretty vulnerable when you leave here," (not sure if that was a question or a statement). I kept quiet, not knowing how to put my feelings into words. I know it shouldn't bother me but it does. T asked, "Do you think she is doing this on purpose?" "YES, it's more than coincidence, I wonder if she's trying to listen to my session." At this point my T seemed a bit defensive and said a person couldn't hear anything from that area. I disagree. Then she suggested, "Would you like to come five minutes earlier on Fridays?"
I said "Yes" and then the annoyance came over me in full force. I just wanted to scream and I wanted to leave.It's so confusing. My T did everything right. She acknowledged my uncomfortable feelings, tried to get me to talk about it (for 15 or so minutes), thought of a solution, and still, "ARRGGGGHHHHH".
She ended the session by saying, "It seems you feel that I'm not on your side. I'm your ally. I'm here just for you. We need to understand why you are so irritable with me."
I wish it was that easy.
poster:annierose
thread:658766
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060615/msgs/658766.html