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Re: Maybe it is, a bit » happyflower

Posted by Tamar on June 12, 2006, at 13:16:34

In reply to Re: Maybe it is, a bit, posted by happyflower on June 12, 2006, at 9:35:54

HF, sometimes I read your posts and I think I could have written them…

> I think you might be right, it will never feel the same. I feel that I hit his boundry walls hard and suffered a concussion I think. No, we can't ever be friends, and now I am not sure I even want to.

I wish instead of just hitting us with their boundaries they would try to be a bit more understanding about how it feels to us. I’m so sick of my therapist saying no and seeming to assume it needs no more discussion.

> I saw his running picture and he didn't look as attractive as I once thought, and I see him running all the time at the gym. I thought he looked kinda of dorky. LOL But I shouldn't talk because my picture looks dumb too. LOL

I can’t imagine I’d ever look good in a picture taken after I’d been running. But then I look terrible in most photographs!

> Today I saw him at the gym for the first time in weeks and I froze. He made non verbal conversation with me and I am like "whatever, leave me alone".(this is what I was thinking to myself) but I just tried to be polite and smile. I guess his magic is over. LOL

Does it feel as if he took it away? That’s how I feel sometimes. It’s not just gone; he’s taken it away from me.

> It is a little sad because I still feel that special connection but I now know it will go no where, that he doesn't feel the same way and really doesn't want anything to do with me once therapy is over. I feel the same way after my friend died in a car accident after our graduation, the was the last time I felt that connection since my T. And now my T had died.

Can you talk to him about your sadness? Obviously this sense of connection is very important to you; there are very few people who you’ve felt that way about. And even if he doesn’t share your feelings, he ought to feel privileged and honoured that you feel that way about him. Can’t he at least talk to you about why the connection is so important to you? I mean, I’m not an expert, but I’d guess that someone with toxic parents would feel particularly strongly about people who make them feel safe and comforted. And if that’s how it is with your feelings for him, that’s really important. And it’s especially important because he’s not in a position to offer you unlimited safety and comfort. So what do you do with the feeling of disappointment at his unavailability? Can he help you with that?

Just my two cents…
Tamar


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poster:Tamar thread:655640
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