Posted by madeline on May 26, 2006, at 7:30:17
In reply to frustrated with T..., posted by Karolina on May 25, 2006, at 23:18:54
Okay, a few thoughts about your situation. But my overall impression is that you need to talk to your T about the way you are feeling right now.
Usually, I think my T is thinking one thing, but as it almost always turns out, I was completely wrong and just caused myself a lot of pain - all of which could have been avoided if I had just talked to him.
Now about the attractiveness thing. I have gone round and round and round with this with my T. I have caught him looking at my breasts too. Of course I freaked out and accused him of all kinds of misconduct.
But the fact is, he is a man. And after extensive field research in this area I have determined that men like attractive women. Women have a lot of power when it comes to using our bodies to elicit a response from even the most laid back men. Therapy itself is rather sexually charged so when you combine the two, you have this elephant in the room. However, those feelings - both yours and his - can exist in the therapeutic frame and productive work can be done. It doesn't mean he is dominated by his attraction to you, it simply means that it is there. But you may need some assurance from him that he is going to absolutely maintain that therapeutic frame.
Both HIS response and YOURS should be an IMMEDIATE affirmation that both of you are going to sit in your chairs, no sexual contact of any sort will EVER happen and each of you will be responsible in your conduct. The only intimacy that will ever be shared in that room is emotional intimacy. It's the only way therapy can continue.
My therapist and I spent a lot of time establishing this very thing and we have shrunk that elephant in the room significantly, but it required a lot of talking and trust on both our parts.
Sorry this is getting so long, I guess I had a lot to say....
Now, about the eating disorder thing, I think your therapist has a point about you seeking outside treatment. However, since you have decided to stay with him, I think you have a right to ask him to become better trained in this area, perhaps it is something you both could work on together. Talk to him about this and see if he is receptive to you bringing in articles, suggesting workshops and having you take a more active role in this part of your therapy, you both could sort of "feel and learn your way" through this.
I wish you the best with this, I have been right where you are.
poster:madeline
thread:648671
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/648734.html