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Re: multiple relationships APA ethics code: study » happyflower

Posted by gardenergirl on April 22, 2006, at 21:54:26

In reply to Re: multiple relationships APA ethics code: study » gardenergirl, posted by happyflower on April 20, 2006, at 13:15:17

> Should I be the one who reclines the offer because they were his friends first? I know it is my T's responsibilty, but should I avoid this?

That sounds like a really uncomfortable situation, which came about through no fault of your own. It's interesting to me that your T said these were his friends. I just know that if it were my T, he would never ever say that to me. But then, he's psychoanalytically oriented, so I get almost no self-disclosure, even after nearly 3 years. Which I prefer, actually.

But anyway, (enough about me) given that he's disclosed this, I think I'd talk to him a bit more about why he did. Was he trying to help you avoid an awkward situation by giving you a "heads-up?" And if so, does he have a preference about what you would do? Does he plan to do anything different? Could this be another example of his boundaries loosening up, whether he's aware or not? I don't know the answer.

As far as what should you do, well...that's tough too. My gut says that you seem to be someone with a number of friends in your social circle (although I don't know if that's true or not). And given that, although it's not fair and doesn't feel good to sort of "pass" on a new friend, maybe it would be less confusing and potentially stressful for you to sort of back off from them. Maybe just keep your acquaintance with them limited to at the gym? If you do choose to pursue friendships with them, and I'm not saying you shouldn't, I think you need to be very clear with yourself why you are. Just a teeny bit of soul-searching or observing your ego to see if there's anything about wanting to be friends with them that is related to your feelings about your T. If so, then I think you're headed down a slippery slope. If not, then I guess you have to weigh the potential "benefits" of their friendship against the potential "costs" related to the awkwardness and confusion that could come with it.

deep breath (I feel like I was talking without taking a breath).

Okay. I hope that helps.

Take care,

gg

 

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