Posted by Pfinstegg on February 25, 2006, at 10:55:19
In reply to Re: moving more deeply into ego state therapy... » Pfinstegg, posted by Daisym on February 24, 2006, at 0:34:40
You are so understanding, Daisy. The grown-up me seems to manage to keep some trust and hope going- most of the time- when these transference-countertransference things arise- what he calls "enactments", but you are right- the younger parts are panic-stricken and think the analysis is "over". Two years ago, I wouldn't have felt their pain and terror as strongly as I do now. But, at least, I know better who is feeling that way- and why.
From what I've read, and feel, this is the time in therapy when there are the most intense pressures on the therapist, and when he is most likely to have a strong counter-transference- not always positive, because of all the pain involved. Some are conscious- and some aren't. Different parts of us just want to invade him with our pain and suffering, not to retaliate, but just to make sure he KNOWS.
You T. is exceptionally good at tolerating this, and getting back to a state of connected, empathic listening. Mine is very aware of all this, and good at it too, but sometimes it takes him a little longer. That may not be all bad, as it makes me take a long, hard look at what is happening inside me. And then we do get back to a strong connection, and can sometimes include the parts better. It's the hardest thing i have ever tried to do- except, I have to remember, it was just as hard when it happened to the young parts, when they were so small, innocent and helpless. It reminds me that I have to have empathy for them, just as he does.
Yes, it was embarrassing to mispell "retailiate". I was the girl who always won spelling bees, and I try not to mispell here- that word was so loaded that I didn't even notice!
I love your giving your T. a bookmark with the Chinese characters for trust on it. I do think that, as all of our part are more able to trust, that healing lies there. You obviously thought so, too. And your T. has shown, over and over, that he thinks that way, too.