Posted by fairywings on February 23, 2006, at 12:01:50
In reply to What my T said about me and school, posted by Racer on February 23, 2006, at 2:02:21
I recently went back to school too, and this reminds me of a conversation I had with my ex T. He teaches, and he said the big difference between a lot of the older students and some of the younger ones is that the older ones are there to learn, but more than that, they enjoy learning. He said sometimes the younger ones just want to know enough to get by, or just want to know what he'll be testing on.
He told me not to worry if I didn't get all A's, that anything C or better was good enough. Of course I'd like to get all A's, but I know I'm not good at certain things, so maybe I won't.
It seems like, from what you're saying, you equate an A with knowing and understanding the information? But because you're struggling you're afraid you'll get to the point where you fall behind, don't understand, and won't get an A?
You say you're not structured, I"m not either. I guess the only way to be more that way, is to divide the work into manageable chunks and not stray from a schedule. I guess it has to be pretty consistent. I know, easier said than done.
Also if you have fear of failure, and fear that you're not getting it, and fear that you'll fall behind, then maybe you get so wrapped up in the fear that you can't focus on what you're doing, or what's being reviewed in class. Since you do all of those problems over and over, do you find the class review time helpful at all, or just frustrating? You sound frustrated that there's not much in class teaching. Is it poss. to talk to the prof., explain what's going on, ask for more in class teaching, or some help in a lab?
About the ability to get A's. My daughter does this too - she is VERY intelligent, but boy does she stress out, all her friends do. If she were to get a B she would be very upset. She does have the ability to get all A's, but her coursework is incredibly strenuous. At some point she might very well get a B. You're only human, we make mistakes. Math is one of those things that one little error, and that's it. Maybe if you talk to the prof., and they realize how committed and stressed you are, they can offer some advice.
I have all the fears you have, some of mine is knowing there are ppl watching for grades - my husband, my kids, and my T. Makes me very nervous. I also feel I have to prove something because my daughter works so hard, gets such good grades, and I am not a natural student. I don't want her to see me fail. I'd like to be a good role model for her - she's actually a good role model for me.
I don't know if any of this helps, I hope something does. Oh btw, I had to take this test, and I kept procrastinating - so much that I couldn't get in last quarter. Well, I finally took the test, got the results, beat myself up for a full day - thinking the results meant I'd failed, when actually I'd passed out of 3 classes, and did okay on another test - not where I wanted to be, but where I need to be - so I won't be in over my head.
It is all so frustrating, isn't it?