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Re: About being someone's Jessica shrinking violet

Posted by jammerlich on January 30, 2006, at 20:35:44

In reply to Re: About being someone's Jessica jammerlich, posted by shrinking violet on January 30, 2006, at 13:57:13

SV, I think we just always were connected. We've never seen each other on a regular basis, it's always been sporadic, yet consistent - if that makes any sense. She was an elementary school teacher and throughout middle school, she picked me up from school a couple of times and took me out to eat a time or two. About the time I was in high school she got a divorce and she called to let me know where she was living and where she'd be teaching and I went with her in the summer to help her get her classroom ready. Later, she remarried and called me again to let me know her new last name and where she'd be living. And we had lunch together a couple of times in my later high school and early college years. After I got married, I didn't see her for 5 or 6 years, but we did write to each other a time or two. Then we moved back to my hometown. She had switched careers, we had an opportunity to make use of her services and I started seeing her again on an occasional basis. We have lunch once or twice a year and exchange emails now and then.

I'm sure this is probably WAY more than you wanted to know, but I just wanted to be sure I didn't make it sound like the relationship was something more than it is. She isn't like one of my girlfriends and I don't see her often. But the relationship is still VERY special to me. Of course I would love to see her more often, but I am very content with exactly what we have. She loves me and I can feel it with me no matter what.

Hmmm... is that maybe what a normal, secure relationship is supposed to be like? She's the only person I've ever felt that way about. I couldn't say the same for my family, husband or friends and that kind of makes me sad.

As far as your hoping to have to same with your former T... I don't think it's stupid to hope at all!! I think it's probably a very normal, human response. I personally just try not to hope for it in my situation. I try to keep my expectations very low because I find that I'm not disappointed so much that way.

I'm also not sure if a relationship with my ex-T could ever be the same as the one with my teacher. The T knows way too much about me - things I am ashamed of. I don't feel like she ever knew much of the positive, capable me. But my teacher, she knew the star student. And I'm not concerned that anything will shatter her image of me at this point. We see each other with rose colored glasses and I don't think that will ever change.

> What a sweet story. Can I ask: how did you and your teacher reconnect to become friends?
> I always have a dream that my former T and I will someday reconnect and be what you and your teacher are to each other. I think we have the capability....Our therapy was very much personal on a lot of levels and we were supernaturally close while working together. I hesitate to say that, yes, I definitely think I was a "Jessica" to my former T, but in some ways that also complicated the relationship and subsequently our work together. I always thought we would have done better if we had met another way, without the therapist/client "thing" getting in the way of our true relationship to one another. Maybe someday....or maybe it's just stupid to hope? I don't know....




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