Posted by andromeda on January 15, 2006, at 20:03:00
Hi,
I have been doing this med chase and therapy talk for 14 years now. Lets see I have been told I have bipolar II, social anxiety, dissociative disorder, and you know a little of everything. I am the DSM. Have done all kinds of therapy, have tried over 50 medications, worked on spirituality, tried alternatives etc. Been through numerous psychiatrists, therapists and spiritual experiences. Guess what? I am still screwed up. I have been hospitalized once and that was 14 years ago when this all started. Was a med induced mania, some post partum and memories surfacing. When I do try to go off meds it has gotten harder and harder over the years to do so. The reason I go off meds(which isn't often) is because they really don't work that well and I am depressed most of my waking life on them. I wasn't on any med for 35 years. Got by without them all of that time.
So here's my plan. I am only on 150 mg of Lamictal at the moment. I have been on plenty combos too so I don't want to try something else. I am sick of meds. I want to slowly go off Lamictal, at 25 mg per week.
See what happens. If I can't take it I will go in the hospital. I will be able to recognize it and will also tell my support people to also watch out for me.
I know I will probably go into this crying mode which 14 years ago there was no way you could even get me to cry. If hospital tries to make me take meds I will fake like I am and won't take them.
Reason why I am doing this is because I want to go through feelings/memories that have been buried from my abusive childhood. Seems like the drugs just mask my feelings and memories. I have heard that your memories will surface when your ready to deal with them. I think the drugs keep me from remembering. If I am in the hospital I would feel safe to remember/feel. I would not feel safe to do that at home. I just want to go through it instead of around it. If I still need meds afterwards well then I would know I needed them. The way it is now I just think a lot of it is repressed crap and I am just drugged to survive. Has anyone here tried this? I am seriously considering it.
poster:andromeda
thread:599422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/599422.html