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Re: My Comfort Book » gardenergirl

Posted by littleone on January 10, 2006, at 14:09:47

In reply to Re: My Comfort Book trigger » littleone, posted by gardenergirl on January 9, 2006, at 16:31:13

Sorry your T is going away too. Pretty lousy timing for you hey? I'm sure there's still vacancies at Camp Comfort if you want to call in.

Re my T's note, he's mentioned it in a few previous sessions and it was just in the most recent one that I was able to ask him for one.

He's going overseas to a yucky country during his leave and I have written to him that I'm scared of the germs there. That they'll get him and kill him or make him real sick. I told him he's not allowed to die/retire/move away/get a terrible disease/etc. So he wrote a little paragraph about how he's taken the necessary precautions to stay safe and well and will definately be back to see me on such and such a date.

And he could tell I didn't like it one little bit and was trying to find out from me what was wrong with it or what I did want and I just couldn't tell him anything. I didn't know and couldn't think and wanted to hide.

I think I need a long letter (a page or two) because I'll wear out a paragraph way too quickly. And I think it needs to be about how he cares about me or what he wants for me or things he still wants to talk about with me. So it feels like he does care and does want to come back to work with me. I get so lonely and feel totally alone when he's gone. I need the letter to help me feel less alone.

And yes, I know I should give him this post (as well as the others). But ugh ugh ugh. Even my comfort book says "Write to T. He needs to know". At least it wouldn't be a limping along vegetable session.

And I will talk to him about seeing another T while he's gone. But I don't think he's gonna like it. If I get to know another T now it makes it easier to do a runner down the track. Plus I think he's trying to make it so I'm not left feeling abandoned when he goes. To try and counter beliefs around that. Whereas if I see another T to fix up those feelings, I don't think that does anything towards undoing the abandonment beliefs. It just makes me feel better.

Thanks for your comments re dealing with the accident. I do understand all that in a way. But part of me still just wants to bite the bullet and get it over with.

If there's something I really need to do, I can just cut everything off inside to get it done no matter what. And it's that part that just wants to get the accident stuff done and dusted. It just can't comprehend that you can't cut off to do the accident stuff. That it only gets done from doing it without cutting off.

Thank you for caring gg. It meant a lot to me.

 

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URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060110/msgs/597593.html