Posted by one woman cine on January 6, 2006, at 13:27:21
In reply to Re: I did the work » one woman cine, posted by Susan47 on January 5, 2006, at 20:11:06
Wait, let me see if I have this right, you saw him for 13 sessions, maybe 3 months at once a week; and you've been calling him for over a year?
Hmmm. Whenever someone provokes a strong emotional response in me, I know it's usually not them - rather it's something about me that's resonates so deeply. It does sound to me as if you've been stalking him, by your description - & I can define stalking, if you like - but I think you'd agree with me.
I hear you describe alot of shame and remorse at times, but it doesn't negate your actions - especially if you are continuing to call.
I think first and foremost you can stop this behavior if you want to - to me, continuing to do so if a form of self-annhiliation and destructive. & now, it doesn't matter so much as to "why", but what matters is that is stops. & once again, this isn't for his sake, but for yours.
Tons of stuff has been written about this phenomena, I can give you some links if you'd be interested in reading.
I also understand, you feel doubly shamed (I don't know do you?) because you felt you loved him and wanted him so much. & maybe it was all over the top, and not handled right. The sad thing is, that wasn't addressed. I am sorry you are feeling so much pain, but I absolutely do not condone this behavior under any circumstance.
There is a book about a psychiatrist who was stalked called, "I know you really love me", by D. Orion, MD. (& no, I won't link it to Amazon for privacy reasons. I don't need it googled and linked to this discussion.)
I do agree it is a vicious cycle and I hope you can feel better about this soon.
poster:one woman cine