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Re: Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively? happyflower

Posted by daisym on December 30, 2005, at 19:26:12

In reply to Is my hurt causing me to think too negatively?, posted by happyflower on December 30, 2005, at 15:12:02

<<<<<<Am I overreacting to this situation? Should I just try to forget about it, and not take it too personally? What are your thoughts? I need some advice please. Tell me what you think. Is this transference or they way he acted really was the cause of my hurt feelings? How would you feel if your T did this?
>>>>>>I don't like the work overreacting. Your feelings are your feelings and you can't judge how you are reacting against how someone else might have. But the intensity of your reaction is something to look at. Fallsfall helped me recognize transference when she told me that any reaction that feels extreme and out of proportion to the event is probably transference and probably has triggered some old feelings. The classic question is: "can you think of another time(s) when you have felt this way?"

I think everyone has said it pretty well -- coming face to face with our status as a client hurts. But that doesn't mean he doesn't genuinely care about you. Haven't you ever been irritated with a friend or someone close to you, just because of what *you* needed to get done, or because you were late? I tend to get short with people when I'm trying to get from my office to the potty and people keep talking to me!

My therapist has hurt my feelings, more than once, in fact. It usually takes me awhile to tell him I'm hurt and I try to take it on myself (I'll think things like "well, I shouldn't have expected x,y or z) or I'll misread a tone of voice or something. I pull back and tend to run from therapy altogether, sort of like you did at the very beginning of this thread. But as painful as these experiences are, I've learned a lot about myself and how I react to people who hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally. I'm betting you will too.

I've decided that therapy relationships are the most complicated, perilous and unpredictible relationships I've ever heard about. So why do we all cling to them so tightly?

Hang in there. You are doing great.




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