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Re: Termination + transference - I'm losing it =(

Posted by pegasus on December 29, 2005, at 10:24:20

In reply to Re: Termination + transference - I'm losing it =( » pegasus, posted by dancinbillie on December 27, 2005, at 13:58:31

I'm glad you're finding some help here. This is just a terrible situation for you.

I really think that a lot of Ts don't have any clue about how terminations can affect clients. I know that transference etc. is covered in training, and the ethical codes mention not abandoning your clients. But I think to a lot of Ts that just means making sure they have another therapist. I don't think they realize how deep the feelings can go, and how damaging a bad termination can be. As you said, you feel worse now than when you started therapy. The same was definitely true for me. Although over time I think I've gotten to the point where I am able to benefit from the therapy that was done before he moved away, despite the heartbreak of losing him.

It reminds me of a conversation I had the other day with a friend who is training to be a therapist. She had just terminated all of her clients from the previous semester's internship, and I was asking her about how she handles the intense attachment the clients sometimes have. She said, "well, that's just inappropriate expectations for the relationship." I thought, "I think it sounds like *you* have inappropriate expectations for the relationship if you think it's appropriate to just dismiss the attachment that way." I wish I'd said it to her. Maybe I will if it comes up again later.

Anyway, good luck to you. Please keep posting about how your feelings develop during this really challenging time. I'd love to hear how your therapist handles it, too. And remember that even when it seems like you're going to die from the grief, there is (good) life and good therapy after termination.

hugs
pegasus

 

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