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Re: Sigh » Voce

Posted by daisym on December 22, 2005, at 2:41:36

In reply to Re: Sigh » fairywings, posted by Voce on December 22, 2005, at 0:39:05

Mourning takes a long time. I think the deeper the feelings, the longer it takes. Hurts like this heal so slowly and while it isn't a mortal wound, it is still a deep one and will most likely always be a sensitive spot that will ache when touched.

So what to do? I think you have to fill up that empty space with other things, love for your new husband (soon!) and perhaps children later on. You work, you play and you live life. And you allow yourself to be sad for what you don't have and what you are missing. And sometimes you just cry for those old feelings.

Have you read "Necessary Losses"? Someone here (ShortE?) recommended it. I bought it and it has really helped me understand that each stage in life has its own set of gains and losses. Each loss hurts but eventually the gains will offset this hurt. You will heal -- but you may always love this man. Accepting that, mourning for what you can't have, is the only way through this.

And I know none of this helps how you feel right now. I don't think there is anything as painful as unrequited and unresolved feelings of love. So when the longings are especially powerful I think you need to be especially gentle with yourself. Allow your fiance to take care of you, to hold you and soothe you. It is OK to do that, even if he isn't who you want sometimes. It will help you not feel so alone.

And keep writing and posting about this. It might help to get your feelings out. We are here for you.

Hugs from me,
Daisy

 

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poster:daisym thread:591027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051216/msgs/591207.html