Posted by Rigby on December 14, 2005, at 20:15:21
In reply to Re: Curiosity About Therapist/Ending Therapy » Rigby, posted by Tamar on December 14, 2005, at 16:56:16
Hi Tamar,
Thanks for your response. You bring up some really good questions. Really good. It made me think that there might be some unfinished transference business mixed in.
> Hmmm… I see why you’re making that distinction, although I suspect some therapists might argue that curiosity is part of the transference. Perhaps the reason why we want to know things about them is something to do with how we’re processing old feelings…I am curious about her story for some reason. But I really don't understand what it's about. I don't know exactly what I'm after but the feeling there is one of being not done with something around her.
> I wonder if I’ve understood you correctly. Are you curious about how it came to be that she seemed to switch from gay to straight? And you’re curious if it’s the same kind of thing that happened to you?I don't feel at odds with my sexuality or struggling. Maybe I wonder where the gay part of her sexuality went. It certainly seemed turned on at times with me. And I know that while I'm now in love with a guy I'm still the same person and probably still quite capable of having feelings for women too.
> Are you struggling to understand your own sexuality? Sexuality can be pretty mysterious. Or do you sometimes wonder what kinds of feelings could have arisen between you and your therapist if you’d both remained gay?I know that she won't answer *anything.* She's got super strict boundaries with me. Here's the strange thing: I want to know but when I imagine her talking about it I nearly cringe. Last week all she mentioned about herself was something about trouble sleeping when she's out of town in a hotel room and that made me cringe.
> She might ask you what sort of answer you’re expecting. Are you expecting her to say she just happened to fall in love with a man? Or that sheYeah, that's for sure.
> I suspect there isn’t a definitive answer. As far as I can tell, people’s sexuality isn’t fixed; it changes over time. One of my close friends has always been a lesbian. A couple of years ago she happened to mention that she’dWow--*you're* generous! And super secure. Very cool that you could do that.
>never kissed a man. My husband said he’d kiss her, she dared him to, and they kissed. Recently she’s been talking about a new interest in men. I’d like to think it’s because of my husband’s incredible kissing technique, but I suspect it’s more likely that she’s been gradually becoming more aware of the delights of the male form. I’m expecting her to find a man fairly soon (probably not my husband…).Thanks, Tamar--really provocative post--appreciate it.
Rigby
poster:Rigby
thread:589002
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/589138.html