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For HappyFlower

Posted by orchid on December 13, 2005, at 21:21:22

In reply to I think you think very negatively of me » orchid, posted by happyflower on December 13, 2005, at 10:33:20

Hi HF,

First I am sorry yet again to have offended you. I seem to have been doing that again and again to you. And I keep promising to myself that I won't do it again, but here I go - doing it yet again.

Actually I didn't think it was being unsupportive at all. I meant the whole thing in a very casual tone, not accusive at all. But it came across differently.

I don't think for one moment you are an airhead or something like that.

But it was my perception - seeing your posts on this board, that you are fully into your T right now and have been thinking of him quite a lot. So I thought this is not the right state of mind to come to a conclusion about your marriage. It was just IMHO kind of post and not judgemental. As you said, perhaps I am being way off base.

I didn't think you made the decision lightly too, I just thought perhaps you are making it when you are in a very emotional state of mind, and thought perhpas you should give more time for things to cool down before making a drastic decision about marriage.

But apart from that, as to what you said about my marriage, well, the thing is I am from a different country and a totally different culture. If I get a divorse, the chance of remarriage is extremely slim for me here. And I can't marry outside my country or race because of my own preference. I just wouldn't feel comfortable marrying someone outside my country. So I have to take that into consideration when I plan my actions about my marriage. Plus, there are things about my hsuband which are extremely nice. And I know he physically assaulted me, more than a few times. But he still is a nice person at heart. Maybe I wouldn't have taken it if I were originally from the Western world. But I have lots of other issues to consider, about my society and my family and friends here, and it is just not an easy decision to take about a divorce. If I get a divorce, it will not only affect me, but my parents, my relatives etc - everybody here. And I was the first girl from my family circle who did something totally different and married out of love, and went to the US etc. If my marriage fails, I not only affect my immediate family, but I will also end up being a bad excuse for many of my cousins who are planning to be free and independant - for their parents to prevent them from what they want to do. I feel responsible to many of my cousins (girls) and the society and since I was the first one to go out and change, I want to be a good example so people can follow.

You may not be able to fully picturize what I am talking about, but it is just perhaps very different.

So I think I was projecting that same kind of caution on to you as well. But as you said, you are in a different state - you don't have the same kind of restrictions and limitations that I have. So maybe it just does'nt apply to you. You are much more free to enjoy and explore and choose the life you want than I am. I should have taken that into consideration before airing my views.

But given all that, I am sorry again. And I think it might be best for you if I don't post to you anymore. I keep getting off base about your posts - partly because of my experience and my issues and as you said, my poor self esteem. And it has happened quite a few times.

It was good talking to you around here.

Take Care
-Orchid.


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:orchid thread:588054
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588799.html