Posted by allisonross on December 11, 2005, at 23:07:50
In reply to Criticism and feelings » allisonross, posted by gardenergirl on December 11, 2005, at 16:30:28
> > I don't really want to leave the board, I just want to keep myself safe from any more criticism. It would be like sticking your hand on a hot stove over and over, hoping it wouldn't hurt.
>
> Hi ally,Hi, gg:!
> I am someone who is quite sensitive to criticism, real and perceived. When I am depresesd (or PMSing), I tend to take almost anything as critical or personal, and I get hurt much more easily. I am learning though, that someone else's feelings, even if they are opposed to my own or stem from something I did not intend, are just that...their own feelings.Yup, I understand.
>
> If someone expresses that they feel hurt or offended by something I say, I have to remind myself that's THEIR reaction and feeling. They are not criticizing me for saying or doing what I did. Even if they are, I remind myself that's THEIR response. I'm working hard at not owning others' reactions and feelings and not taking them personally. It's hard, and I'm by no means an expert at it, but I'm getting better.
>
I'm trying too, but (as I stated I think); when one has been criticized for a whole lifetime, it's hard to not feel that way.I think that when we feel criticized (whether real or perceived); it's just the same, because it is about how we FEEl. I think that is why it is important to ask the person (who we feel was critical of us) to reflect: was this criticism? Or, I am not sure what you meant by that...would be explain?
> And you know what? It really does help to view things with that distance. I feel much less depressed and "touchy" or hurt all the time.
>
> My husband usually withholds telling me if he's angry with me about something, because he doesn't want to upset me. Recently, he's been experimenting with actually telling me how he feels. My reaction has surprised him, because I find it relieving to hear from the horse's mouth what he feels versus trying to guess or assume. Like you said too, it also helps you deal with it and move on versus letting it build up.I agree.
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> Okay, this is going on much longer than it needs to. I'm a blabbermouth.No, you aren't. I appreciate your thoughts.
>
> I just wanted to toss out there the idea that others here might express how they react to your posts, but that doesn't mean that you are wrong for posting them. I honestly (as far as I can recall) have not read a post that seemed directly critical of you.There have been, but I won't bother to go into it.
I think that many if not most of the Babblers have learned, via civility rules, to express our reactions and feelings as "I" statements, owning them ourselves. We're all still working on it, but I think it's becoming more of the norm here.
>
> And in the same way, how you react to them is within you, and is your own feeling.
>
> I'm sorry you feel criticized.Thankyou!
I KNOW how much that hurts and what it can do to your sense of self. I just want to gently suggest that feeling criticized and actually being criticized are two different concepts.
Oh, I know that. But if we FEEL criticized, it is the same as being...criticized.
In other words
>
> I perceive you as a strong woman with perhaps some underlying vulnerability.your perception is correct!
I know in myself it's vital to protect that vulnerability from harm. I hope that you find a safe harbor here to find support and caring.
Thankyou, sweetie
I appreciate you taking the time to tell me this stuff, and your kind understanding!
>
> Hope this makes some sense.It does, and again..I thank you so kindly!
Hugs, Ally
>
> gg
> >
>
poster:allisonross
thread:587729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588257.html