Posted by Shortelise on December 2, 2005, at 13:47:57
In reply to Re: Unconscious Seduction - long » Shortelise, posted by daisym on December 2, 2005, at 11:55:43
Y'know Daisy, I haven't felt a sexual attraction to him. Well, once I guess I did and it really pissed me off, though I'm not sure if I felt sexually attracted to him or if I just saw him as being attractive. The clothes he was wearing were completely different than what he normally wears - he's not a clothes horse, just casual and comfortable. One day he was wearing clothes that really suited him, that fit him properly and showed him to his best advantage. I found him attractive, had a big fight with him, and I think I left. No, we never talked about it. It was during a time when I was in the worst throes of transference and very deep in old feelings, but I think if he were to wear clothing like that again, I would again recognize that he can be attractive.
We don't talk about sex and sexuality because of me, not him. It's not something I want to talk about. It would be another can of worms, one I think I can live my life without opening.
Does sex have to be a part of things? Granted we are all sexual, but isn't it possible that you can go through your therapy without feeling a need to seduce your T? I am a plump, 50 year old woman. I have done my fair share of seducing, and have been delightfully seduced. I was "promiscuous", yep. I understand why through discussion in therapy that were not blatant.
Of course, there is the possibility that I have been dying to have sex with my therapist and I am blissfully unaware. I made the decision early on not to try to mess with my body language, and told my T, so it isn't something I am trying to dissimulate.
Daisy, for years, as a younger and attractive woman, I used my sexuality as a tool, along with charm, intelligence, and insight. It was part of how I got through the day. I think that can be said of many of us, male and female. But now, I use other things, and I don't feel as "in" my sexuality as I used to, it's not what's most important about me, and I don't need it as much. And I sure don't feel like I need to use it in therapy.
In short, as you suggested, it just isn't an issue in therapy, or between my therapist and me. If my therapist were sexually attracted to me ... I would be stunned, amazed ... it just isn't within the realm of possibilities. That I am not attracted to him, or at least unaware if I am (smile) seems natural.
Being sexually attracted to one's T is not inevitable.
poster:Shortelise
thread:583595
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/584588.html