Posted by happyflower on December 1, 2005, at 21:31:43
In reply to Re: back from docs, and more about therapy, posted by Voce on December 1, 2005, at 20:41:15
> HF, I hope you don't get upset when people comment on your therapy now, because you asked them to after all.....
Yes, I know I opened myself for that one, but it is okay, I feel a little better tonight. And no, I am not pissed at all at you. You were honest but yet sensitive and I appreciate that! :) Okay, now to your questions....
> <Then we talked about having affairs. He said married people should have affairs with married people and single people should have them with single people.
> Um, I guess. I don't see how this helps you therapeutically. Do you see this as a veiled invitation? Just curious.
No, I didn't see this as a veiled invitation. I am the one that brought it up. Can I still stay married for financial reasons and family reasons but get what I don't have on the side. I know that sound unethical and I don't normally appove of affairs, but it was something I wanted to know if it would work if I didn't want to get a divorse, but yet was still unhappy. But he talked about if I got caught, on how I would be viewed, and since it was against my morals, I probably couldn't keep it a secret. Thats why he said the thing about married couples. They are in the same boat, so it would be easier than a single person who always want more from the married person. I don't think he is in favor of me having an affair while married.
Since my former T was NOT into self-disclosure, I know I would have been uncomfortable with this. But then again, didn't you ask him?
I wasn't uncomfortable with this, I do know a lot about him already, so it didn't surprise me. I asked him about what it felt like to him as a kid to have parents that were unhappily married, but he added this information on his own. This is nothing compared to other stuff he had disclosed about himself. I am okay with it, it helped me build a bond with him and keep him off a pedistal.
> My T never pressured me. Of course, had he done so, I would have reacted with BACK OFF BUSTER (transference relating to my dad). But I don't think a T should be pressuring you to give up on your marriage if you're not ready....he's supposed to help you weigh the implications of divorcing or staying. Sounds like he cares about you and doesn't want you to have to be in this unhappy marriage, but that is only his personal opinion after all. His professional opinion is what you need, IMHO, and the fact that he is pressuring you to leave your hubby, coupled with his attraction to you, doesn't that seem a little interesting?
I don't believe he is pressuring me to leave my DH, but he is pressuring me to issue ultimatiums to my DH that we need to do something to make our relationship better, or it will not survive.He has been like drilling this into my head for last couple of months. I am the one in the beginning who said that I didn't belive in divorce. Well now I am so unhappy, I don't know what I believe anymore, and it is making me depressed, so he is urging me to do something to help me. I am just not ready to tear up the house yet. I need to feel stronger.
> <He said it would really sad for me to stay in an emotionless, sexless dead marriage at my age.>
>
> Yeah....but that's sad for anyone at any age. He may feel that it's sad, but only you can make the decision, you know? I guess if a T of mine was saying that, it would make me uncomfortable.I think he is saying this because he really cares about me but I know it is my decision. My T can't make me do anything I don't want to do.
I was uncomfortable most of the session, but not what he was saying, more of what I was feeling. The truth hurts, and I can't hide from it anymore unless I just want to feel worse.
> This is just my $.02!!! I hope you're not pissed off at me. You are a really different person than I am (I can just tell by reading your posts) and what is good for me may not be good for you. That's my disclaimer. In the end, I know you are a smart, savvy woman and will do what is best!!!Thanks Voce, I am glad you responded and it was worth more than 2 cents! :) I guess people are afraid to post about my situation, it makes me sad, but I am sad anyways, so thats that.
poster:happyflower
thread:584226
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051130/msgs/584343.html