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Re: How much, how soon? » Dinah

Posted by Jen Star on November 8, 2005, at 10:37:15

In reply to How much, how soon?, posted by Dinah on November 8, 2005, at 9:43:11

hi Dinah,
I think EE's post is great! :) It seems like a good idea to start out by telling her you're reluctant to share. You could even say that you're worried she'll think you're "weird". Sometimes just SAYING that "de-weirds" the stuff you're going to disclose to some degree.

I find that when a person makes themself deliberately vulnerable in some way in a conversation, leaving themself open without being manipulative, the other person instinctively becomes more maternal and caring and ready to excuse flaws. Usually.

Remember too that you're a GREAT AWESOME person. maybe you have some "weird stuff" going on, but we ALL have some "weird stuff" going on! You're still a neat, wonderful fun person.

Not all T's are really all that insightful or intuitive or even that loving. THey're just a sliver of the general population, right? So it goes to reason that some of them may be slow, dull, unkind, and just not nice. It takes time to find another one who is caring and kind and open, I think. :) If T3 isn't the one, you'll know in a while. Until then, disclose at your own comfort rate.

you're right - you CAN often tell what someone is thinking from body language, etc. But also keep in mind that even if a person has a strong INITIAL reaction, they might diffuse it and change it over time. Give T3 a chance. Even if some of your disclosures startle her, hopefully she'll be able to think it over and figure out a way to help you. And still like you. :)

JenStar


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poster:Jen Star thread:576676
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051107/msgs/576699.html