Posted by allisonross on October 27, 2005, at 14:30:40
In reply to Hugs, posted by happyflower on October 27, 2005, at 14:04:47
> Hey, sweetie: (I hope you can eventually reach me by e-mail: wacalice@aol.com) I grew up in a hugless nonemotional except hate and abuse.
I am so sorry; I experienced the same thing.
The only person who would hug me was my grandma from my dad's side. It felt so weird, and I didn't look forward to it at all.
What was weird about it?
>
> But I have changed in to a huggy type of person.Good for you! I guess I was born a huggy, kissy, touchy feely type person. In the genes ya know.
I guess my DH changed this in me, because I hug almost anyone I am close to or relatives. My kids are huged and told they are loved everyday.
I am so proud of you. I gave my kids all of the love and affection I never got. Unfortunately (they are adults and should know better), they pretty much ignore me. i know I was a fantastic mom (except for living with an abuser for 31 years)
They will never fell hugs are weird or hearing they are loved, sounding foreign to them . I just wished I could be hugged now, I only get them from my kids, which is better than nothing.
The whole world is touch-deprived.
I wish I could hug you right now, and stroke your hair, and tell you that everything was okay, and read you a story, and give you cookies and milk. My nurturing instinct, and in that way, i could nurture myself. I think that is what you are doing by loving your kids.
i read that just for basic mental health, we need at least 16 hugs a day; no wonder the world is so @!### crabby and cranky. No touching going on fer cryin out loud.
I would hug my T if he allowed it.
he is wrong, and when you read my post, and go into the site and read the article...well, at least you can point out there are different schools of thoughts in therapy; his is of the rigid "constipated" kind!
Please read my latest posting, and let your t read the article: You can when you read it, because it is common sense, jump up and down and yell: yes, yes, yes! My posting is entitled: Finally! Rethinking the Prohibition on Touch in Psychotherapy..
...every therapist should be made to read this. What is going on in the psych. world is ridiculous, because of litigation, insurance companies and the idea that a non-sexual hug will lead to wild (well, I wish it would, LOL) sex;
talks about how Western cultures sexualize everything, and how damaging it is, to NOT touch a client (judiciously of course), but with what the clients' best interests in mind.
It would feel good, and I told him it would. But no luck in that ever happening.
Maybe if he reads the article; he might re-think his position (my t has read some of it), but he hugged me for over a year, then stopped, because he said: "I don't want it to feel too good." Obviously, it felt to good to him. I've been trying to get it back, and will give him another article pretty soon. Terrible to need that human touch and be rejected,
If you'd like to read my (sordid, yet transcendent) story: www.psychiatricjournal.com. Entitled: The Transcendent Child on Overcoming Verbal and Spiritual Abuse.
My site: www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com (voted out of my 31-year church membership, because I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse), but i was born standin up and talkin back and fought them for 18 months
Please try e-mailing me again; you can let me know what your subject line will say, so I don't delete it?
Hugs and love to you dear new friend.
Allison (overcomer and wounded-healer)
poster:allisonross
thread:572044
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051025/msgs/572424.html