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Re: Does regression mean you haven't worked out fully? orchid

Posted by JenStar on October 24, 2005, at 22:50:52

In reply to Re: Does regression mean you haven't worked out fully? Poet, posted by orchid on October 24, 2005, at 18:46:18

hi Orchid,
for me, I feel angry about transference feelings mostly because it's something I can't seem to control, and I like to control as much as I can in my life.

But transference (or other "crushes") seem so dang STRONG! How can something last so long? They last longer than 2nd-hand cigarette smell in drapes, and longer than the Energizer bunny!

aaarrrggghhh. When I was going through my "I have MS" phase (but didn't) I had to get lots of tests. I got a huge "crush" on my neurologist; if he was a P-doc, I probably would have called it transference, but since he wasn't really a "shrink" (although we did talk about my mindset and mental issues!) I don't know if that's the right word.

Now, several years later, I think there is still a little latent crush on him lingering around in the back of my mind! I'm sure that if I saw him again I'd feel the same feelings again.

I don't know what it is about feelings for other people that seem to last and last and last. I've met and forgotten so many other people, while I continue to remember HIM.

But I don't think you (or I, or anybody!) should feel morally ashamed, or get down on yourself, for having transference. If you like somebody -- whatever the word for the "like" you use -- you like them!

Maybe that's a precious thing and should be respected, at least by you in your mind. Maybe accept that this person will always have a special place in your heart, regardless of how he/she got there, and regardless of whether his/her heart has a pocket with your name on it. Maybe it's OK to have little special secret pockets of love in our hearts for other random people with whom we'll never have a 'real' relationship.

Maybe it's all just about human connection -- if we share something deep with another person, we can't HELP but love them in a way?

Anyway, I don't think you SHOULD feel shame! Of course, that's no advice on how to stop feeling it, I know. But at least, I don't fault you for feeling it.

Maybe feeling it again so strongly means that something in your life feels empty, lost, scared. I think we summon up our old loves and crushes when something in our current life doesn't feel "right" or complete. And we know that this past memory isn't going to satisfy us, but we regurgitate it anyway in the hopes that it might help us out a bit. So is there something right now that feels empty, lost, incomplete? What has changed lately? That's what I'd look for.

I hope you're doing ok. take care!
JenStar


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