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Re: One obvious question remains:

Posted by Dinah on October 22, 2005, at 10:37:36

In reply to One obvious question remains: happyflower, posted by crazy teresa on October 21, 2005, at 20:59:23

Ouch. That might hurt.

My therapist recently, not in our usual setting but in one of the temporary ones, was finishing up a phone conversation with his wife as I walked in a minute or so early. Among other things, I heard him casually tell her he loved her as he rang off.

To this day I can't figure out why that bothered me. He says all the time that he loves his wife and daughter. I'm glad he does, because that gives me added security that he won't leave town which he might do if his marriage failed. And of course I want him to be happy.

But it did bother me. I felt an immediate "ouch" and a hint of tears. Danged if I know why. Maybe it was just the casualness of it, and knowing that I've told him I loved him a million times but that he could never say it to me even if he felt it because of the possibility for misunderstandings of what "love" meant.

Danged words with multiple meanings.

I can only imagine that in this situation it would hurt even worse.

Do you think you could ask one of those non-questions about whether she was coming? "I hope your wife enjoys this sort of music. I'd hate for her to be bored." That sort of thing.

It might also be a doorway into talking about the situation in general.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:569871
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/570387.html