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Re: Talking about transference to your husband/SO? orchid

Posted by JenStar on October 19, 2005, at 18:08:37

In reply to Talking about transference to your husband/SO?, posted by orchid on October 19, 2005, at 16:36:06

hi Orchid,
I understand that you want to be fully honest about *everything* with your husband. But maybe ask yourself, what would be gained by telling your husband this? Or, maybe better stated, what is the outcome you HOPE will happen?

Do you hope that your husband will understand, and comfort you, and reiterate that he loves you dearly and that this in no way affects your marriage? (I'm just guessing at what *I* would want to hear!)

I wonder if your husband might NOT understand -- would he misinterpret and worry that you were attracted/in love with the ex-T? Might this make him jealous, controlling, or prone to getting mad at ex-T if you were to run into him socially somewhere?

I only ask because I think a lot of people even IN therapy don't really 'get' transference, let alone the people OUTSIDE of therapy. If he's not savvy about this stuff, he might end up really taking it all wrong and misunderstanding what it was all about. Or worse, he might blame YOU or start accusing YOU of some kind of misbehavior. Naturally I'm assuming the worst that could happen from a faceless, nameless "guy" whose "girl" is in therapy. I don't know if YOUR hubby is prone to this at all, so pleae understand I mean no offense! I'm just offering "what if's."

Maybe some things about therapy are OK to keep private? Or maybe BEST kept private?

I don't know.
Which way are you leaning - towards telling or not telling?

JenStar


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poster:JenStar thread:568926
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