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Re: Reply to Orchid

Posted by frida on October 18, 2005, at 8:39:58

In reply to Re: Reply to Orchid antigua, posted by orchid on October 17, 2005, at 18:44:32

Hi..
just felt like saying something, even if it doesn't make much sense and it comes out of the blue.

I've been with my T for some years now and it took me a long, long time to trust- and now, after a long time I am finally telling her some and we're going to the depths of what happened to me. She wants to go to the depths of it all, and tells me I have to let all that out of me..all the rest is warm comfort and temporary relief, but as I've seen through the years, it keeps coming back to me and interfering with my life and hurting me deeply, over and over-
as painful as it is, I do need to let it out, every bit of it....and it takes time.
She tells me and I totally agree, that I was abused for more than 14 years without a break- It's a long long time- and a lot to heal from.
I was taught from an early age many things about myself that are difficult to unroot because when I learnt them my foundations weren't even strong to begin with. If you learn since you are 4 or even less, that you are dirt, and unlovable, it is very hard to get at those beliefs and change them.
i believe, that unfortunately, it is long, long work and painful and going deep into all of that is painful, horrible and brings a lot of suffering...but it is worse to keep those feelings and horrible stuff inside forever.
I tried the other approach of trying to find temporary relief and it didn't work well-
Now, that I'm telling a bit, I do feel relieved to break the silence and isolation, even though I'm crying and hurting so much.
it takes a long time-
and validation of feelings, going deep, breaking the isolation and secrecy, telling again and again, not being alone as we were back then..it is so important. Just learning to trust somenone else takes a long long time after your trust has been shattered for years.

(((((Daisy)))))

Sending you support and understanding
Frida



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