Psycho-Babble Psychology | about psychological treatments | Framed
This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | List of forums | Search | FAQ

Re: hm... Ľ Shortelise

Posted by Tamar on September 27, 2005, at 5:19:40

In reply to Re: hm... Ľ Tamar, posted by Shortelise on September 26, 2005, at 22:09:17

> It's not only with him that I feel unattractive, but with all men. I no longer use my sexuality as I once did. I never flirt with my T, would be embarrassed if I did so on an unconscious level. I rarely flirt with anyone. I am afaid of being pathetic.

I used to use my sexuality all the time too. But now I only flirt when Iíve been drinking and then I feel really embarrassed the next day. I never used to feel embarrassed about using my sexuality. I donít know if itís because Iím older, or fatter, or because Iíve been married for several years. But Iím afraid people will think Iím disgusting.

> Jewellry as love. There's a concept. Maybe I do have love and sex all confused, though not as far as my relationship with my husband goes.

Well, love and sex quite often go together :)

> Do I feel that I can't be loved by a man without an element of sexuality to things?

Thatís a really interesting question. I have a few gay friends who love me and thereís no sexual element to it. But I find it really hard to imagine being loved by a straight man without some sexual aspect to it. Or maybe itís that I *want* a sexual dimension in my relationships with straight men. Maybe I feel that a completely platonic love is somehow a rejection of my sexuality, in which case, perhaps I feel my sexuality is such a fundamental part of me that I want it to be accepted (or embraced!) in my relationships with men. Is it like that for you?

> Mebbe. Di I feel that my T can't care about me because there is no overt sexuality to our relationship. Hm. I don't know.

I find this a struggle. It seems to me that any attempt to deny the sexual element in a therapeutic relationship is doomed to failure. I think it would make more sense to acknowledge that there are two sexualities in the room. I donít think there should be an inappropriate focus on it, but pretending that itís not there or that it doesnít matter is pointless, I think. Certainly the therapist needs to be sexually unavailable to the client, and maternal or paternal transferences can complicate the relationship. But I wonder if sexual unavailability can become a performance in therapy, and that it can draw attention to itself and undermine its purpose. In other words, pretending that sexuality is irrelevant just makes it more obvious. I think Iím rambling nowÖ

> We have only very rarely talked about sexual things. I do feel inhibited, but I haven't talked about it mostly because it's a can of worms I would just as soon leave unopened. Things are just fine, I am not unhappy. I just don't want to go there.

Fair enough.

> Yes, I will tell this dream to my T, if I have time. I see him once every three weeks, my entire family is descending on me in October, I have heaps of work - very high stress as it's for a person I haven't worked with before - and because of that work I've had to cancel my next appointment. I think there may be more on my palte to talk about come the end of October when, I am afraid, my next appointment with him will be.

Thatís a long time to wait! Yeah, you might find you want to talk about your family visit rather than your dream when you next see him. But I hope you do have a little time to talk about the dream because it seems quite significant!

I hope your work goes well.

Tamar


Share
Tweet  

Thread

 

Post a new follow-up

Your message only Include above post


Notify the administrators

They will then review this post with the posting guidelines in mind.

To contact them about something other than this post, please use this form instead.

 

Start a new thread

 
Google
dr-bob.org www
Search options and examples
[amazon] for
in

This thread | Show all | Post follow-up | Start new thread | FAQ
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Tamar thread:559414
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050920/msgs/560109.html