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Re: Countertransference maintained How? » ButterflyHigh

Posted by Tamar on September 24, 2005, at 19:21:29

In reply to Re: Countertransference maintained How? » crushedout, posted by ButterflyHigh on September 24, 2005, at 11:21:18

> no, actually I meant countertransference. My feelings towards therapist. (I know, even though the psychological definition is the opposite) dopes that help understand my question better? If not, let me know, not sure I can put it a better way - sorry.

Sorry, I’m still a bit unclear what you mean by countertransference. Is there a reason you’re using it in a way that diverges from common psychological usage?

I have to admit, I wish they’d just call both things transference. I don’t know why it’s necessary to make a distinction between the feelings felt by the therapist and the feelings felt by the client. But then, I don’t have a PhD in psychology so I’ll stop rambling now…

> What I meant by maintaining it, is how can I not become dependent upon this therapist due to the fact I wish she was my friend? She even, in sessions, says, "my friend..." to me, her lingo I guess. Bingo - I want to keep it under control both ways.

I think it’s almost impossible to control the feelings we feel for our therapists. I tried very hard to control my feelings and it actually made things harder. I think it’s probably better to accept that you feel the way you feel… maybe accept that you do want to be her friend and you do want to depend on her at least a little bit. And then think about why those feelings are significant to you. They’re there for a reason (it seems to me).

> Last session I talked openly about sex with a new guy I'm dating, and she didn't really keep it in perspective so much per say. Her reaction after I said, "I need to think about what I'm doing", was "Yes you do" - then the subject was quickly changed. It really isn't that much of a difficulty, she has an email addy, and I've emailed her about two things so far. This therapist doesn't seem to coax anything out of me, well, I shouldn't say that, when I talk, she'll listen so well, then look at me intently to see what comes next out of my mouth. Not sure I can say 'anything' in therapy now. She can be flippant, but overall she seems helpful and knowledgeable. I felt I could say anything up until I told her about this issue, now I kinda feel awkward but I'm sure it will pass.

If I understood right, you’ve talked to her about feeling you want to be her friend, and about your worry about becoming dependent? How did she respond?




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