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Re: update *trigger*

Posted by B2chica on September 13, 2005, at 11:01:07

In reply to Re: update *trigger* B2chica, posted by muffled on September 13, 2005, at 9:58:19

i wasn't scared to tell him (T)cuz i feel so comfortable with him. i thank God for that.

>>Even when you go to do it , it might feel sort of exiting and 'this is it'ish', its finally all going to stop. Even when your bleeding, it may be ok.

-YES good way to put this. the 'this is Finally it'ish feeling. it feels relief, the kind of relief i got from cutting.

i have two friends, one i almost never see anymore (he's been busy cuz he's getting married at end of september) the other used to work here and now she doesn't and i miss her SO much. she''s been busy and can't always meet.
that leaves me and my T.

i'm hanging on to the thought of the hurt. of my cold dead body being layed out on a metal slab and having my hubby having to id me. cold hard reality, no fantasy of 'getting' out, no fantasy of being saved at last minute. just dead.
it's weird cuz part of that turns me away instantly the other....almost draws me near. i'm scared.
but...for now i'm taking 5 minutes at a time. it's all i can handle right now. getting to my assigned meetings and trying to run from myself the rest of the time.

i just called pdoc and he would rather me go sooner rather than later. he wanted me to go today but he is going to up my wellbutrin, he said for me to pick up some samples at his clinic this afternoon. (not afterwork, he said at noonhour (asap))
he wants me to call him thursday after my morning meeting and before i see T. he wants to keep CLOSE eye on things. and to paige him sooner if i need to.

i can't believe how blessed i am with my two docs.
and i can't believe how blessed i am with babbler's like you.
thank you.




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