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Re: jenstar - damos

Posted by alexandra_k on September 8, 2005, at 15:02:51

In reply to Re: miscommunication » alexandra_k, posted by JenStar on September 7, 2005, at 22:58:54

i'm sorry about that... sometimes i just start spinning and then it just kind of runs away with me. in my better moments i see that there isn't any point worrying about this and i can appreciate (really appreciate) what i have a little more. the opportunities i have. and think that i've done okay. am doing okay. but sometimes things just seem to start spinning out of control.

in a real variable place this last week or so... get started with the spinning and then it receeds and then it comes back again...

i can't figure it out.
i actually think... it can't be figured out.
when this is going to happen
why it happens
what sets it off
i've done that many chain analyses of my behaviour...
but they didn't help me figure it out.
because anything you want to put it down to -
can happen and sometimes you are okay
but other times you are not
and why is it okay sometimes but not okay at others?

and maybe it is just the topic
just the suggestion that you can make sense of it
that i might be able to predict my moods
that i might be able to control them after all
is so bloody terrifying because if it turns out to be true then ive been winding myself up all these years for no good reason.

i don't know.

i'm okay
i'll be okay

i don't really understand what is going on

 

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poster:alexandra_k thread:552085
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050901/msgs/552345.html