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Re: Therapy is just too hard daisym

Posted by Pfinstegg on August 27, 2005, at 17:08:32

In reply to Therapy is just too hard, posted by daisym on August 25, 2005, at 20:31:52

Do you try to think in terms of which age part is feeling what? I'm very slowly learning to ask myself which part is afraid of being so closely attached, and which part is either ambivalent or longing to be as close as possible. My analyst often says things like, "I think (this part) appreciates that you are trying to understand how she is feeling." Then, of course, a lot of the work we do is talking in detail about all the experiences and feelings of that particular part, in relation to my mother and father. I'm finding, too, that talking about my mother is the most painful- neglecting me emotionally, sending me to my father for severe beatings, not protecting me from sexual abuse by him. At first, my distress was mostly about him, but that has changed some. It hurts an awful lot to have such rageful, disappointing feelings about our own mothers, doesn't it? Mine sounds kind of like yours- she always thought I could do "anything", but she never helped or supported me. She was actually jealous and veangeful even when I was very young, considering that I was smarter and prettier than she was, so why help me, and make herself feel even more inadequate? Was (is?) yours like that?

I am finding that identifying "who" is in the most distress at a given moment enables me to calm that part down- often by remembering understanding and comforting things my analyst has said to that part, and sort of repeating those to her. It's really a full-time job, but I do feel "we" are making progress slowly but surely. I do hope the same is true for you, Daisy. Overall. it sounds like you really are. I guess the hardest thing is accepting how much pain there is with this kind of emotional ilness, and how quickly we can just get stunned by it.


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