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Re: Not sounding too alarmist (possible trigger) Fallsfall

Posted by javableue on August 21, 2005, at 13:40:41

In reply to Re: Not sounding too alarmist (possible trigger) javableue, posted by Fallsfall on August 21, 2005, at 13:21:38

Yes, this is the first time, apart from some hopelessly haphazard "attempts" when I was 13/14. It comes to my mind very often, but this is the first time I planned out anything.

I guess I just worry about ending up in the hospital, because now that I am out of immediate danger - and the purpose of me telling him is so that I stay that way - it would do more harm than good. When my sister made an attempt on her life when she was my age, my parents did little else other than send her life insurance forms when she got out... and judging by their behaviour, it doesn't seem like they've learned from the experience. So I need to keep my parents out of this, and therefore the hospital isn't an option unless I really can't stop myself. In fact, probably the best thing I could do to reduce the pressure would be to move out... now, I have someplace to go, my sister knows how it is at home and is quite willing to let me stay with her, but the practicalities are so overwhelming right now that I can't take any steps toward it.

I know my therapist is reasonable with these things (or I wouldn't consider telling him at all) and won't overreact, but I am still so afraid to use the word, like it will make things seem more real. Still, I guess I have to, he's really good about being flexible when I need it (and when he can be) but that won't be of any use if I sugarcoat things. Maybe I can just tell myself he deserves to know and make it easier that way... I don't know. I'm so terrified to talk to him and to be honest, but I know I have to.




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