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Attachment problems

Posted by Deneb on August 2, 2005, at 22:23:23

I think I have some major attachment problems with people. I don't seem to be able to attach to anyone.

My pdoc for example...she's great, I tell her everything, but I will admit that I haven't missed her one bit since she went on maternity leave. It is like she doesn't exist anymore.

The same thing with my sister. She's away at school right now and I don't miss her one bit. I enjoy her company a great deal when she comes home, but I don't even think about her when she's away. It is like I don't have a sister anymore.

The same thing with my ex boyfriend. We were quite close but I don't know if I was just pretending or something. I don't miss him one bit and I think I broke his heart.

I'm starting to wonder if I am capable of loving a human being. It gives me some hope that I am able to have a relationship with my hamster. My plush animals got replaced by my hamster. That is a step forward right? At least a hamster is a living thing.

I just love how soft my plush toys are...they comfort me. Hammy is very soft too. Hammy can't be made to do things I want him to do. I learned that when i first got him. I got really angry at Hammy at first because he didn't do what I wanted him to do. I sort of teased/tortured him a little bit :-(. I think I really scared him. Then I learned to love Hammy for being a hamster. I love him now and wouldn't torture him.

Maybe I can learn to love people?




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