Posted by kerria on July 15, 2005, at 1:14:45
In reply to Re: Parts coming out in therapy » kerria, posted by cricket on July 14, 2005, at 19:15:34
(((((((Cricket))))))))safe hugs. Thank you for understanding and writing.
T said that there were two reasons why i'm so separated - either that i'm doing something that i shouldn't be doing (i wanted to hide it from my self) or because of not wanting to remember things from the past- if i start dissolving the different parts them it would leak through. T's trying to get me to talk about past stuff .
It felt so icky that T accuses me of doing something wrong . Your right, no one is perfect- but it's free game to tear me apart even more by saying that. T is not supportive or caring and i hate when he reminds me by saying things like that. It hurts a lot. i spent so much time crying and losing time after the session yesterday afternoon. i struggled to leave work early at 2:30 - i had a difficult day working face to face with the person from church- it reminded me of my separateness, it was so difficult for me all day.
The i rushed like crazy to come home and change to speed to therapy in the heat, my car overheating and i had to put water in it.All to feel like this, lonely and attacked. Why is T so negative? i need to trust T but how can i when he speaks so negatively about me.
i'm doing the best- really better than i can do and he always insinuates that i'm not. That i deserve all the bad things that happen to me because of things i do.There's nothing like having people hate you for doing things that you can't help doing. T wouldn't say he hates me but he may as well- he acts so uncaring and unsupportive and negative. It makes me want to do worse- to just give up trying anymore.
There's no reward in the way T wants me to go. Eliminate the seperateness , work together with parts- it's impossible - so uncomfortable and sad not to be seperate parts. T doesn't care if i feel s. He always reminds me that i can't go to his hospital (where he works). T will actually say things like that just to hurt me.
It's horrible.It's so hard to find another T though because of a lot of reasons but mostly because i'm so separated. It's so hard to take when people write how nice their T is.
i don't think that i can go to t. anymore. It makes me feel too s. i wrote to T and told him that i need to find more support before i go back again. It's too impossibly hard and dangerous for me to go. Then my family is so angry with me because i'm "so self-absorbed and _____fill in the blank , any negative thing will do) "
Thank you for listening.
Take care,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:527396
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050706/msgs/527867.html