Posted by messadivoce on June 30, 2005, at 21:25:24
In reply to One Year... (long- possible *termination trigger*), posted by 10derHeart on June 30, 2005, at 12:17:39
I am SO SO glad you posted this, 10der!! I hope you are not feeling an ounce of guilt!!
<<I still remember every look, gesture, feeling in the room from that day. Something tells me it's so significant it will be one of those memories that doesn't fade with time, like many others do.>>
There are moments in life--good and bad--that stand out sharper and clearer than the rest. A few of those moments for me happened in therapy.
<<As this day approached, I've kept *checking up* on myself, wondering, "how will I feel? will the painful emotions resurface? will I cry more? be numb? what?" Now, I'm right on top of a significant milestone in time for me, and still unsure what the heck I'm feeling.>>
That sounds familiar. I remember approaching my 1-year anniversary feeling that only screaming, crying, and climbing the walls were the only things I could contemplate. But that day was different. It was quiet. It was a culmination of all the quietness and love that he had given me. I wish for you that quietness tomorrow.
<<And I have Babble. You guys...I can't find the words. I was in such severe pain last year, I'm sure I wrote a lot about not making it through losing him, the bond was so strong. Felt like a loss I just couldn't stand. But I did it. Babble carried me a good part of that time.>>
I am glad!! This board has been a gift.
<<Still miss him. Now, at this *year mark,* well, it seems like I should break off the contact.>>
Says who? There are no rules. I think you should e-mail him as long as you need to.
<<I want some little piece of him to stay in my life. I don't want to lose him completely just 'cause some arbitrary time period has passed.>>(wipes away tears) I know. I know. I know.
<<The thing is, I love the man - plain and simple. Wow - it feels good to have a place I can write that down with no fear or ridicule or misunderstanding.>>
I get it. Funny how simple it is, yet hard for others IRL to understand.
<<I decided I can't push Babble away any time I'm feeling such powerful stuff...I need you all too much...hope I haven't upset anyone.>>
I'm glad you didn't push us away. We need you too.
Love,
Voce
poster:messadivoce
thread:521533
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/521745.html