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Maybe my Ex t had countertransference

Posted by pinkeye on June 29, 2005, at 14:19:14

My new theory in my seemingly endless list of theories on why my ex T stopped communicating is that possibly he had some countertransference towards me. And maybe that is why he stopped abruptly.

It is very highly a far fetched idea, but nothing else really makes sense. If he had to knowingly put me through so much of difficulty and hurt and not even offer an explanation or apology - it means one of two things - that he is really not able to help it, or that he is a complete jerk.

And I don't really think he belongs to the later category. He was not a jerk - not in the 2 and half years that I knew him.. he was not very prompt in replying to emails, but was never a jerk.

So that gives me the reason that maybe he really couldn't help it. And possible reasons why he couldn't help it even after realizing what it is doing to me is that somehow he thinks it is really not possible for him to help me. Possibly he thinks I am interfering in his family, or he is having some countertransference towards me. I don't think he refrains from writing because it is unethical to keep writing - he always uses common sense more than rules, and if he understands how much of a difficult time this is giving me, then he would have definitely stepped in. OR maybe he thinks I need to go through this pain for some reason - maybe to heal fully - But even then, he would have said something like "I can't write, but keep working on it".

That leaves me with the theory that he has some countertransference - either very positive or very negative.. maybe he is identifying me as someone from his past himself, and is reacting to that..


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poster:pinkeye thread:521128
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050628/msgs/521128.html