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Re: What do I think we should do in therapy sessions » cricket

Posted by alexandra_k on June 28, 2005, at 19:26:45

In reply to Re: What do I think we should do in therapy sessions » alexandra_k, posted by cricket on June 28, 2005, at 9:17:35

Mmm. Its very rare for me that I'm observing them. Mostly I miss time. I guess thats why I'm so very scaired of them coming out in therapy. I'm terrified of what they are going to say. And I have to be really careful in therapy anyway. To try and make the t want to help me. Want to work with me. There is no way I'm going to let them come out and stuff things up there. I do a fairly good job of stuffing it up myself much of the time. But there is no way I'm going to let them do that.

I know what you mean about getting quieter and quieter in therapy over time. That is a pattern for me as well. To start with I can look at the therapist. Over time I cannot. To start with I can talk to them in a chatty way. Over time I cannot. I think... In a way it is progress. Not that they see it that way. But I think... It just might be.

I get what you mean about the conflict too. The yelling. It really is horrible. I worry about disappearing forever sometimes. Sometimes I get really afraid that I'll lose time and I'll never come back. Other times that is what I want more than anything in the world. If it really was possible... For me to just disappear forever and leave them to it... Then I would go willingly.

Mine never used to give me any peace. They were fairly constant ever since I was around 13 or 14. Since then they have learned to go out of range at strategic moments. They were silent for 2 weeks after I started taking Seroquel. Strategically. So I could be discharged. Once I left hospital they came back full force. Sometimes they are silent for a couple weeks when I start working with a new clinician. So they are not on the agenda. So I don't feel like a liar by ommitting voices in that initial assessment. So that I don't talk about them. Yeah, it is like a radio.

> Does getting better mean they go away? What does your therapist think? Has she said what she thinks yet?

Hmm. I think she is taking the fairly standard line. Integration. It is supposed to be about integration. I guess thats why she is trying to get me thinking of the times when I am aware of them when they are in control. Co-consciousness. Thats supposed to be the first step on the way to integration. I'm not co-conscious very much. At least... I'm not aware of being co-conscious with them very much.

What does your t say about what getting better means? What do you think of that?

 

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