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Re: Confusing Session - possible trigger » Daisym

Posted by cricket on June 24, 2005, at 12:56:44

In reply to Re: Confusing Session » cricket, posted by Daisym on June 22, 2005, at 16:14:04

Hi Daisy,

I don't tell him that I want to undress him. But I guess he knows it. When I let the seductive one, she hasn't had her turn yet, talk to him she will definitely tell him.

Honestly I'm not that uncomfortable with having sexual feelings towards him. It feels sort of normal. I am uncomfortable with the childlike feelings.

I think that maybe it has to do with the circumstances of my csa. It was a stepfather, who didn't care one bit for me. He married my mother because he liked little girls (I was 4) and it was convenient to have one living with him. He told my mother that he was only marrying her because he wanted me. It was out and out violence each and every day with nothing else mixed in.

In fact, my T says that as long as I physically survived the attacks and I did, it probably wasn't anywhere near as damaging as the absolute abandonment, isolation and hatred I endured.

So to make a long story short, I guess if the csa occurred with someone towards whom a child had any kind of positive feelings, it might make it all more confusing.

Also, to be honest, I'm not very attractive so perhaps it's just easier to have sexual feelings when you know they will never be reciprocated.


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