Posted by B2chica on June 24, 2005, at 12:11:34
In reply to Re: tootriggered to write....**graphic triggers!**, posted by happyflower on June 24, 2005, at 11:44:35
thank you dear happyflower.
just writing you name, gives me a little smile.
it was crappy and it took me a year and a GREAT 'T' to finally get this out. i'm stil struggling cuz i split my feelings, the one side that i don't let out hates her and what she did, the other side feels sorry for her cuz i wonder if she was abused. she lived with her drunk and negletful father that didn't care about her at all, i don't think he abused her but anyone could have as he was always passed out by 7:00. the thing that makes me so angry and hurt is she's not totally out of my life, and last year (not to long after i started getting flashbacks of this long forgotten this incident) she started dating my sister-n-laws brother and saw one of my old friends and told her that 'I'...that 'I' molested her! it stabbed like a knife...fortunately she's such a compulsive liar my friend just passed what she said and shook her head saying 'she hasn't changed'. i acted like i didn't know anything. it makes a little volcano inside, unfortunately the eruption is typically aimed at me.
i can take it...i want to say i can take the pain, i'm used to keeping so much pain inside that i'm used to it. i'm used to that ache inside.
i split about everything that's happened. it's hard to deal with anything that way. and i downsize it cuz i know that there are worse things that could have happened to me, i always think of terrorists and stuff. or life of women in any 3rd world country and i know it could be worse for me.
i like what you said about us paying for the mistakes of a few sick people AND their going about their lives like they didn't do anything. it's so anger provoking.
i'm sorry about your 'mother'. i hope for your sake maybe she could get into prison. you Deserve a sense of security and safety.
i'm ok, little unstable but ok. my T's be great through all of this. i hope you are ok too.