Posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2005, at 5:50:56
In reply to I have the urge..., posted by alexandra_k on June 3, 2005, at 5:43:30
...and then...
she said shed see me in two weeks because her schedule was full next week.
I know that is fairly likely to be b*llshit.
I could see her assessing my reaction when she said that.
She knows that I know that that is b*llshit.
But thats the way it is.
Im not going to see her for two weeks.
And I won't make any noises because (believe it or not) that really isn't my style...
But I guess she thinks that I don't care
That I don't really care
That I do devalue her
That she won't terminate me because she doesn't want to do that to me...
But that she is starting to withdraw
And I can't blame her because I am pushing her away
ANd I see it sometimes...
And I have tried to talk about it before...
That I know it sounds like I devalue her sometimes - but that I do appreciate her really.
But the problem is more that I don't seem to appreciate her really.
But I know that I should.
I really should.
And maybe this is why she is doing this...
Because I need to do something or I'm going to lose her because I can feel her withdrawing...
Not wanting to see me
And I can't blame her because all I do is whine and whinge about what OTHER people are not doing...And I need to do something or I'll lose her.
But I don't know if I can tell her that the problem is that I really don't seem to appreciate her.
And that I can see that that is a problem and I wish I did appreciate her.
I don't think I can tell her that...
I don't think I can.And part of the problem is that I don't trust her.
I do believe she is well intentioned.
But I don't believe she knows what she is doing
Or that she will be able to cope with me
She panicked last time I got sick
Threatened to tell the hostel manager that I was sick
Phoned p-doc and told him she had been working with me
Didn't know what to do with me
Didn't know that I needed to go to hospital
Couldn't do anything about getting me into hospital anyway...
Only call the CAT team...
And they won't do anything about me.I'm scaired...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:507232
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050528/msgs/507235.html