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Re: Wow. It's not just my therapist. pinkeye

Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2005, at 18:03:19

In reply to Re: Wow. It's not just my therapist. pinkeye, posted by pinkeye on May 24, 2005, at 17:29:15

Perhaps, but this was unexpected. I've been to see the play therapist a couple of times before, with no problem. She's always affirmed me as a good mother, so I wasn't afraid about that.

I think that... maybe... this was the first time I wasn't all rational and intellectual there. I actually said something from the gut. I told her that I liked the little boy she described, and I wished my son felt freer to be authentic with me. That I was jealous of the greater intimacy it implied.

Maybe there was more in that statement than I realized.

It seemed ok at the time. She told me that it was possible for me to learn to interact with my son in such a way to increase the authenticity. And when I repeated the statement later, as part of expressing willingness to engage in family play therapy, she told me that we needed to think about the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. That it was natural for my son to feel freer to show his negative sides around someone who he only saw once a week for an hour. And that that's what good therapy was about. Not having to worry about your counselor so that you can leave a lot of negative stuff in the therapy room, knowing that your therapist only has to see you once a week too, for an hour, and can tolerate having you leave that stuff there.

So maybe it was just that I revealed something of the authentic me that I almost always keep hidden that threw me into Zonkdom.

I mean, the *nice* thing to say would have been "I'm glad my son has someone he feels free to do that with." not "I'm jealous. I wish my son felt free to be authentic with me." For me to have said that not once but twice...

I dunno. Maybe it's more that than the argument. I had thought it was the argument maybe.




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