Posted by Shortelise on May 19, 2005, at 19:24:17
In reply to Relationship with T/Bad Session (very long), posted by 10derHeart on May 19, 2005, at 17:50:19
My T has helped me to understand that I have to do reality checks with people. Esp with him and my husband. And when in reality check mode, I have to HAVE TO get an honest answer.
So, when I say to my husband, you seem a little angry about something - Are you angry at me, if he is a little p/o'ed about something, anything, no matter how trivial, he HAS to tell me. With my T it's the same thing. He is very very good - he stops and thinks, kind of examines his own psyche - and sometimes he will say, yes, I am feeling a little impatient (or whatever), I'm sorry, it's something I struggle with. Or he'll tell me he's been on call all weekend and is tired. Or he'll tell me that no, he isn't anywhere but there in the room with me.
It astonishes me that he can be so honest. He admits if he has screwed up. SOmetimes he'll come back the next week and apologize or explain about something he said that he felt he shouldn't - and I hadn't even noticed.
So, I know we've talked about this here before, and I've probably written the above before, but it illustrated to me the importance of a T putting the needs of the client before his own. It's hard to say, y'know, I am just having a lousy day and maybe I'm not the best T right now. It's ok for a T to have a lousy day, to act a little oddly (snort!) once in a while, BUT THEY MUST ADMIT THAT IT'S THEM, NOT US. Because sometimes it IS them, sometimes it's not projection or whatever. It's not as if T's are inhuman.
It was my T who helped me to understand that when I was a little one I often had to guess at how those around me were feeling as they would say one thing when they were feeling another, my mother in particular for some reason couldn't admit to her feeings, but her actions always belied them.
Now, in therapy and with my husband, it has to be clear and honest. They have to let me know what is them and what is me when it comes up for me.
I know I've over explained this, forgive me, but it's so essential to my well-being that I wanted to be very clear. I hope it helps.
ANd, by the way, it might also help if you tell your T what it was you needed from him, what you expected and were not getting.
ShortE
poster:Shortelise
thread:500036
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/500075.html