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Re: But I don't want to be a jerk » sunny10

Posted by pinkeye on May 18, 2005, at 16:53:30

In reply to Re: But I don't want to be a jerk, posted by sunny10 on May 18, 2005, at 15:43:52

Thanks a lot sunny. Your post has brought some lot of clarity in my thinking.

I think part of the reason why I am struggling so much in my marriage is that I have to unlearn everything I learnt as a child. And though my fahter was wrong in many things, there were things he was right about - how a woman could be career oriented and achieving and be able to understand things one of them.

And that is what I am scared the most about. My hsuband wants me to be mostly a house oriented wife, taking care of the children and being for the family and supporting him in his endeavors. And while I want to do that = take care of the child and support him, there are lot of things that I am capable of doing that I want to. Which is goign to be very difficult to do with my husband in my life.

Like, I have desires to start a business and be a business woman. And I think I might be decently good with it. I even have desires to enter into a more public life. I have desires to one day have a very active social life -run a business, run a school, even enter into public administration etc - I am not sure about here or India - maybe in both. And I am going to have a very tough time geetting my husband to give me ok for all that. I don't need his support - I jsut need no interference. But I am sure he is going to make a big issue out of it. I dont know how I am goign to handle all that in the future. He is ok with me working on a daily job.. but that is so limited for me. I don't want to do that throughout my life.

Regarding the immediate decision about India, that also I am scared.. I want to stay here for more years.. and have a kid here etc. And it is awfully breaking my heart to give up everything and go back. I know his father's last days are now, and I so want to be there for him. But on the other hand, I am giving up my life for it. I have tried to work out other compromises - my husband can go and I can visit and stuff, and my husband is not taking any of it. I don't want to prevent my hsuband from being with his dad in the last days.

Maybe there is an easier solution to all these. But as you said, it is so hard to unlearn the stuff.


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