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Re: Pinkeye? » pinkeye

Posted by Dinah on May 6, 2005, at 14:49:03

In reply to Re: Pinkeye? » Dinah, posted by pinkeye on May 6, 2005, at 14:07:33

Of course you didn't hijack my thread. I rarely think of any thread as being about *my* issue. I usually think of it as being about *an* issue that any number of people might share, and I'm happy to see it discussed fully from all points of view. A lot of times it sparks ideas in myself.

I've picked up a book on this topic from Barnes and Noble, and I'm going to sit down and read it and cogitate. But I *know* I'll never be able to think of it as anything remotely resembling abuse. I can possibly imagine thinking of it as something that has an effect on my relationships and life today. But nothing worse than that.

I've always felt that emotional incest was something that applied a lot more to my mother and me. When I was little she used to tell me what I wanted, and no amount of differing input from me would sway her.

I hate scouting./"You love girl scouts so much!" (Mother loved being a scout leader)

Every night she'd have me pray for the little brother or sister she told everyone I so desperately wanted. But that I really had no thought of wanting.

It continues to this day. The first time she bought me something from the stout old lady's shop, I burst into tears. Now, every holiday, that's what I'll get. In a size two times larger than the size I actually wear. Sometimes in petite size (I'm not petite in height). Because she likes this shop and they make her feel special. So regardless of any input from me, she is convinced I am delighted with these polyester old lady shirts two sizes too big and too short in the sleeves. I figure someone at Goodwill will find them to their taste. Like a donation in my name or something.

My mother looks at me and sees a daughter of her own creation. But then her reality testing is generally poor. She also did that to Daddy all the time.

Even though those behaviors are not physical abuse, I would be able to believe that those behaviors are abusive.

Especially after her behavior when Daddy was dying. That was so clearly monumentally selfish and abusive neglect that it isn't that hard to look back and see traces of that sort of behavior my entire life.

But Daddy? I can't see it that way. Not to me anyway. He was plenty emotionally abusive to my mother and brother.

Well, maybe after my son was born. I didn't have as much time to spend with him, and he'd make a lot of comments then that weren't so nice.

 

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