Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2005, at 20:30:41
In reply to Re: Stressed so much (long) » PM80, posted by pinkeye on April 22, 2005, at 17:53:10
It's so difficult to separate out culture and personalities. It sounds as if his expectations are logical and reasonable in your culture. And that divorce wouldn't so much be divorce of him as divorce of the culture and values you grew up with.
It seems so clear to those of us who grew up with Western values. Of course women shouldn't be in a lesser position than men. Of course marriage should be a compromise. It is so hard for me not to have that knee jerk reaction.
But I know there must be beautiful things about the culture of your country that you probably feel those in the West have long since lost.
It's hard to divorce a culture, values, and a way of life.
I guess the question I'd ask myself is:
If I ever have sons, what cultural values would I like to teach them?
If I ever have daughters, how do I want their future to look?
If the answers come out looking like the culture of the country you were raised in, then you have to adopt that culture yourself. If you want something different for your children, you have to choose something different for yourself.
No one can make that decision but you.
But I think that's what I'd do. I'd spend time creating an imaginary little boy and girl, maybe a couple of each. Name and dress them in my mind, and help them grow up the way I'd like them to be.
The answers to the "now" so often depend on our wishes for the future.