Posted by cricket on April 19, 2005, at 17:04:46
Relatively new to posting here.
Just got through another bad session with my T. Did you ever feel that your T just had contempt for you?
It's not always like that but for the past few sessions it has been. I've been struggling to open up to him. I even gave him something to read last week, which I have never done.
But he is so cold. He just seems to hate me. And I know he's not like that with everyone because once I heard him greet another patient in this warm, enthusiastic voice "Long time no see." And I know it's stupid but it just broke my heart. I so wanted to be her and get that voice, that smile.
But for me it's a scowl.
Then today, I was in major grief over a dream. I know just a dream but it was a bad one. Hands trembling, sobbing and he just said, "Let's put a comma on that until next week." And my time wasn't even up yet and we had started late.
I've invested 3 years with this guy, and the conclusion seems to be that maybe I just was too neglected, too abused at too young an age to ever be anything other than a zombie.
But maybe it is just him that I can't be open with. Maybe with someone else, I wouldn't be so defective.
I'd appreciate any thoughts anyone has on this.
Thanks for listening.