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Re: I'm regressing :-( pinkeye

Posted by messadivoce on April 12, 2005, at 15:45:42

In reply to Re: I'm regressing :-( messadivoce, posted by pinkeye on April 12, 2005, at 14:15:31

I honestly have tried to find reasons why my dad was limited in the ways he was. But I can't find many excuses for him. He's a minister, so I watched him deal with people every day in a rational, patient, loving way, and it seemed like I just got the leftovers at the end of the day. All the impatience, frustration and anger that he couldn't show during the day. To this day I still see how he is with church people, and he's not like that with me and it hurts.

I don't think my dad had a bad childhood. He has an excellent relationship with his parents and although the way they are can explain some facets of his personality, mostly it's just a mystery to me.

I wish I could say that, despite the mistakes he made, my dad was "there" for me, but he simply wasn't. I was pretty much on my own emotionally, and it's still that way.

You are right about my ex-T. He wasn't anything like my dad, and he never would have hurt me, and when I was in therapy with him, he was as close and available as he knew how to be. The problem is reminding myself of that when it hurts so much now that he can't be here with me.


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