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Re: I'm regressing :-( messadivoce

Posted by pinkeye on April 12, 2005, at 14:15:31

In reply to Re: I'm regressing :-( pinkeye, posted by messadivoce on April 12, 2005, at 14:01:27

Realizing that my anger and frustration and abandonment was really about my father was kind of enough for me to stop (atleast reduce) the intense feelings that I had towards my ex T.

My father also was of the opinion that he brought me up in the way that was right, and what was needed. Even if I tell him now how much it had ended up hurting me, he sometimes fails to see that I was such a sad child. But then, I try to forgive him and try to see the world from his view point and that makes it easier for me. My father didn't have a great mother himself.. my father's mother never liked him. And that led to lot of anxiety and tension and suppression for my own father. So I have easier time accepting my father's limitations, because it was not all his fault.. he grew up to be what he was, becuase of several limitations that he had in his life, and he transfered some of it onto me. And with whatever limited knowledge he had, he brought me up to the extent he was capable of. He didn't have access to therapy, or internet, or to other resources to correct himself. Now I feel that I have access to all these, I should try to move on and accept him. Atleast he was there for me and he loved me, irrespective of the mistakes he made.

Will that kind of perspective help you move on from the anger that you have towards your dad?

And regarding your ex T, he might have made some mistakes with you, but from what I read from your posts about him, he seems kind of sincere and genuine and caring towards you. Otherwise, he wouldn't be writing to you for an year after termination. He must have made several mistakes with you, and maybe you can forgive him for that. Overall he seems to be a decent person, and I am pretty sure, he didn't intend to hurt you in anyway (atleast from what I have gathered from your posts). Maybe he coulnd't be there for you in the ways you needed him to be, but to the extent he was capable of, he tried to do his best for you, and take care of you as much as he knew/was capable of.


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