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Re: Borderline, devaluating loved ones... NightStar72

Posted by alexandra_k on April 7, 2005, at 1:40:23

In reply to Re: Borderline, devaluating loved ones..., posted by NightStar72 on April 6, 2005, at 12:52:03

Ah. I remember this.

What I found helpful is to think up a list of positive and negative things. Not positive and negative things of the person per se, but things you like and don't like. Because people aren't all good or all bad. And typically we don't completely love them or completely hate them. There are things that we like and things that we aren't so keen on.

A list like that can be something to reflect on when you go either way.

If you find yourself idealising someone - have a think about some of the qualities that you aren't so fussed on. And if you find yourself devaluing someone then have a think about some of the qualities that you like about them.

Having a more balanced view can help with swings either way.
But it can be hard to think of nice things when you are annoyed, and hard to think of the not so nice things when they seem about perfect.
A list can be something to reflect on to help yourself try to have a more balanced view.

 

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