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Re: I don't know where else to post this, so..... Larry Hoover

Posted by Tabitha on April 5, 2005, at 14:54:52

In reply to Re: I don't know where else to post this, so..... Tabitha, posted by Larry Hoover on April 5, 2005, at 8:27:59

I think they key to circumventing these episodes is probably connecting with the feelings that are driving the actions. Anger is probably the top level, but underneath it is usually hurt. My T used to tell me I would act instead of feeling. I barely knew what she was talking about, but she was right. Connecting with those feelings helps temper the compulsiveness of the actions.

Lately we're working with this critical parent/child/adult stuff. I've learned that most of my 'triggered' feelings come from my own internal critic. It was hard to admit that, because it felt to me that the criticism was coming from 'out there'. So I'd focus on my anger at others, when the real hurtful message was coming from inside. Or maybe it originated from outside, but it only hurt because my own critic picked it up and validated it.

So if the same thing is going on with you, maybe your inner critic is picking up the idea "your feelings don't matter. nobody cares about your feelings" and battering you with that. Then of course your little kid has a temper tantrum. Does that fit at all?

From there, the thing to do is talk back to that critic and comfort the child. In my sessions we're using a bat to whack the critic (no kidding). Once you learn to do some self-comfort, then the need for external validation lets up, and life gets easier.




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